NeoSpeak: Al Capone’s Vault > Prince’s Vault

Jonathan D. DeViney: “Prince’s love songs were about as romantic as a pay toilet. And now, y’know we’re gonna have to listen to just how much of a genius he was…”

DSamuel [the D is silent] Wheeler: “…ah, but I’m pretty sure a pay toilet is safer to be around than Prince.”

DeViney: “Probably true. Fewer diseases.”

Mike D. : “Are y’all still talking about him? The Prince formerly known as ‘Artist?'”

"His music? Yeah, y'know, I never really listened to it that much but, uh, the fact that after all these years he's...still...making it is just amazing."
“His music? Yeah, y’know, I never really listened to it that much but, uh, the fact that after all these years he’s…still…making it is just amazing.”

DeViney: “Everytime we talk about this dude, everytime I think back to photos of him with that awful ‘Molestache,’ with those cheesy, lace gloves covering his dainty hands which are actively misshapen in this vulgar manner and that I’m-a-retard-who-just-got-Habanera-sauce-in-my-mouth expression on his face, him thinking he’s being sexy but when juxtaposed with the rest of the outfit? With blush and eyeliner on?”

DSamuel [the “D” is silent] : “I’m still just dumbstruck that ‘Purple Rain’ is a real song by a real artist.”

Mike D.: “Ahp! Let’s not go too far with this. He’s still from Minnesota, remember. His own mother, as I recall, wasn’t smart enough to keep from pulling out an umbrella during her son’s signature tune. And she was most certainly in earnest, gentlemen.”

DeViney: “Yeah, now we’re gonna hear about how he had so much music in his vault, that he had so much left to share.”

DSamuel: “And that’s true! I don’t think he had gone all Charlie Sheen and shared HIV with anyone, yet.”

Sir Elton John! Always good to have such a legendary talent and veteran
Sir Elton John! Always good to have such a legendary talent and veteran

DeViney: “Well, there’s at least one honest appraisal of something he hadn’t actually done yet. All I keep hearing is how unfair, how he had so much left to give and I’m going, ‘The man’s dead! Apparently not!’ But, oh no! Now that he’s dead and unable to stop the Music Industry Miners, now we’re gonna have to sit and put up with the release of songs, um, material that obviously wasn’t good enough to see the light of day or he wouldn’t have locked it in a vault.”

DSamuel: “I mean, I’m sure it could mean something to somebody.”

"So that's all you got? A cheap trick and a cheesy one-liner?" "Honey, that could be the name of my memoirs!
“So that’s all you got? A cheap trick and a cheesy one-liner?” “Honey, that could be the name of my memoirs!

DeViney: “Who?! John Wayne Gacy’s dead! And, I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure that was the last weirdo living that would think Prince was equal parts hot enough, cool enough and talented enough to put up with that god-awful makeup and outfit and still give a damn about the hoard of material not good enough to release still in his vault.”

   

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